Cancelled
The experience of being surprised does not happen very often with me. I like to listen to what folks have to say about things, and for the past couple years I have limited the scope of replies I make when I hear things that are not of my understanding shall we say. In fact I have limited my exposure to the greater social scene in my little world, not because I do not like what others have to say but because intolerance is rapidly growing and I fear something I may say will trigger someone.
We were not invited to a birthday party in the neighbourhood this week. The birthday girl and her husband have sat around our table for dinner on multiple occasions and yet we seemed to be the ones shunned. There are neighbours that seem to avoid me or at least don’t chat with me at any length other than the most cursive of pleasantries. An almost thirty year friend goes out of his way to avoid passing the day when I see him.
Last year I had a friend on mine, someone I have known for better part of twenty years, stayed with us a few days in Naples. We are very different from a political point of view but deeply share a spiritual understand of how life works. This spiritual belief system provides that we base our lives on a simple concept, service to another. The foundation of these beliefs are principles, handed down from time immemorial, that are the basis of humanity, the guides of man’s interactions with man and the rest of the world.
What is not certain with these changing interactions is whether they have to do with politics or something else. It is entirely possible these people are pulling back as a safety mechanism given they all know about my deteriorating health. It sure could be possible that they fear the worst and so keep themselves from being overly burdened by my situation.
On the other hand they could be keeping themselves distant so as to not engage in conversation regarding what’s happening in the world and here at home given my perspective on things. I would discard this thought if not for the growing evidence of its existence. The most conclusive of which I have tried ignoring but confronted me head on last night.
While at dinner last night my wife explained to me how our relationship works because I do not talk about the things I believe. Or at least I am respectful when she tells me to stop when we are around people as the things I say and believe are embarrassing to her. That I am an embarrassment, but that we seem to have come to a no talk arrangement allows her to carry on with the relationship. That as long as I keep my thoughts to myself or at least do not air them when she or our friends are around all will be well.
The other day two of her friends from forty years ago came for a visit. Now I also know these women, having gone to school with them long before they worked with my wife. And I was equally excited to see them and catch up on their lives. My wife was very clear though, be gone with your thoughts of conversation, this is girl time and we will have none of you. It was a golf day so this was not an issue but eventually golf finishes and I made my way home. The girls had finished their lunch, I cleared the table for them and sat briefly to say hello.
The look I got from my wife was very clear, go away. And so I quickly excused myself and made my way to the office and caught up on some work. At least I did get the chance to say good-bye when they were departing, but only because I heard their footsteps at the front door, not because anyone said hey Scott, come say goodbye.
A couple days later, again when returning from golf, and a significant something had happened in the world that I wanted to discuss with someone, I was again told, very forcefully to go away and take whatever buzz-kill thoughts I had with me. This time it was the neighbour girls over for a couple cocktails, the response to my presence even more forcefully communicated, BE GONE!
What is curious about all this is how twenty years ago the principles and message I had were the same. Some folks thought the same others not, if folks wanted to engage I engaged in respectful dialogue. But I never felt that I needed to hide what it was I thought. Obviously there are situations that do not engender philosophical conversations regarding politics, spirituality or other contraversial topics and I respect that more than most. We do not discuss outside issues is a great tradition I follow in my daily life.
But the tolerance of others for even those who think different seems to have changed. At least on one side. I do not believe I am any less tolerant of peoples closely held beliefs then I have ever been. Not so with people with me.
So I fear. Fear not for my ideas or ideals, not for the God I have faith in or that my principles need to change. No what I fear for is humanity in general. If we lose the ability to have friendly discourse regarding our differences how can we survive. Because we will find ever more divisions in our thinking that will keep us apart. And ever more stridently cancel those who think different.