Old Friends

The past couple days I have had opportunity to break bread with old friends. One of these groups certainly more qualifying on the old part than the other. A humour they would appreciate. The feelings of warmth when leaving are very difficult to explain, but I shall try to encapsulate why I think so highly of these meetings.

Eight to ten years ago I made a commitment to myself that I would try to reengage with as many of the folks I was friends with in years past as possible. Also maintain as many of my current friends and acquaintances as possible. The reasoning was not to generate some extensive Facebook list of friends nor a business contact list of thousands on Linkedin.

The goal is two fold, first, as a member of a fellowship that places restitution for past misdeeds at the top of its list of priorities, knowing where my old friends are is important as most of them were taken advantage of or hurt in some way by my attitudes towards existence years ago. Amending these transgressions however small is very important to me.

Second, and even more important, is that which I can learn about myself from these folks and that which I can help them with. Over the years of meeting with old friends I have learned several things. Most importantly is that the things I remember as being terrible were not always seen as that by the folks I possibly hurt.

As example I will tell of one. It was eight or ten years ago that I recalled the need to speak with an old friend regarding an incident we had had that ended in fisticuffs.It was suggested that I do not hit him in the head which I did other hurting my hands. None the less I felt terrible about this over the years and this memory kept me from engaging with a group of friends as the result. As the result of sitting with this friend I learned that he did not find it a big deal, truly just something guys did and then went and had a beer or two after.

As the result of this a years long sense of negative self worth started to dissipate. It took several more of these meetings with others to really show me that the past has value for me, and others.

Two other such reconnections gave me a path forward. These men that I reconnected with were both successful attorneys. I respected both of them but what I felt as the result of knowing them yet not connecting was again, a multiplier of negative self worth. In the back of my mind thinking I should have done better. Then a chance lunch with one changed my direction. I found out his daughter was attending a remote learning law school and I thought, why not me too! I discussed this with him and my other long time friend attorney as well as several other attorneys in my circle and they all agreed that I would be a great candidate for the bar if I went back to school. And so her I am having finished two years of law school.

Most recently a couple of guys I have known now for over ten tears came to visit at the Nicholl Northern Command for an afternoon and some homemade pizza. Both these fellows I keep in touch with, both are well connected to my own story. But the simple fact was that sitting about in person and catching up was far more cathartic for all of us than the occasional text or call. All of us over the past couple days departed feeling better about ourselves and life in general. What could be better than that.

And I have more projects as the result. For the one group, a new website dedicated to bringing us all together, or at the least giving us opportunity to reconnect after decades of living our lives. The other, is a web project as well but is already built and serving hope, it only requires more.

Finally then I was with new friends later that evening and realized some of the things that made me a part of these folks lives I was not doing anymore. And so I asked my new friends if they wanted to engage in an event that I knew would create camaraderie and fun which would allow us all to grow and enjoy our lives. I think they are all on board but we shall see.

In the meantime I will continue to reach out to friends, old and new, and see what life has in store as the result.